If Only

From Last Left Turn Before Hooterville:

Illegal criminals, take notice – Conservative Americans are taking back their jobs!

Yes, from the ashes of the failed Minute-Man Movement, the Gimme Back My Job, Dammit Coalition (GBMJ,DC) has risen, and it has spread like wildfire among conservatives sick and tired of illegals taking the jobs from deserving American citizens. No longer content to wait for the government to do it for them, these patriots have taken matters into their own hands. Now they’re doing more than just protesting or watching from the sidelines – they’re taking back their Constitutional, God-given right to a job. Suddenly, you see them everywhere – on the sidewalk with a leaf-blower strapped to their back, in the parking lot of your favorite restaurant with the keys to your car or inside, balancing a heavy-laden bus tray full of dirty dishes as they adroitly refill your iced tea glass on their way back to the kitchen. You may find them bent over in a lettuce field under a blistering sun with a rake in their hand, or endangering their limbs with casually-maintained but lethally sharp meat-cutting machinery for fourteen hours or more a day while earning somewhere around three dollars an hour, with no benefits, medical insurance, workman’s compensation, or even bathroom breaks.

Most of them say they’ve never been happier.

“For the first time in my life, I feel needed,” says Coalition member Chuck B. Liggett, 70, a former accountant who now works in a chicken-packing plant in Amarillo, Texas. “When the floor boss screams at me for slowing down, I feel a surge of pride because what I do actually matters. Now, I do an honest day’s work for my pay, and by the time I collapse on my filthy mattress on the floor of my stinking room at the end of my fifteen-hour shift, I know I really earned that forty dollars!”

If only the teabagging christianists of the Racist Right weren’t immune to both logic and irony….

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