I Guess Its a Good Thing For Mr. Malek That George Zimmerman Wasn’t Yet Born, Eh?

The straight line to that punchline:

In 1959, a police officer in Peoria, Illinois, discovered five young men acting about as suspiciously as a person could act in one of the city’s parks.

The background:

Eventually, Frederick Malek and his buddies sheepishly admitted that they’d been drinking earlier that night, and one of the group admitted to beating, killing, and preparing the dog for the spit in some sort of totally fucked up attempt to teach his friends about living off the land. Malek swore he had nothing to do with the dog murder, aside from the fact that he just stood around while his friend fucking beat a dog to death.

Malek would later go on to serve as one of Nixon’s Jew-spotters after our paranoid nut of a 37th President determined that the Bureau of Labor Statistics had become overrun with Chosen People.

Now, the punchier punchline – owing to the current connection of Malek, an underling of Tricky Dick and Daddy Bush, to a guy who is known to have treated a dog in a manner that, had Seamus been able to articulate such, probably would have had him begging to be barbecued just to get it all over with:

Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, who once strapped his dog to the roof of the family station wagon before embarking on a road trip, has again chosen to thumb his nose at the all-important dog vote by throwing a fundraising birthday party for his wife Ann at the house of Frederick Malek….

In the words of Keith Olbermann:  Michael Vick.

After all, that may be the only thing that balances out ‘Obama Cave’

Perhaps in Republican-esque honor of Malek and Romney (as well as the city’s closet-case congressman), the Chicago Cubs’ single-A farm team will rename itself from the Peoria Chiefs to, say…, the Peoria Pugs?

Its just a thought.

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