This Would be Funnier if I thought That Milfy McMooseburger Could Actually Count Higher Than Zero

August 20, 2010

From The Daily Mash:

PLANS to build a state-of-the-art library next to Republican catastrophe Sarah Palin are causing outrage across mainstream America.

Campaigners have described the project as insensitive and a deliberate act of provocation by people with brains.

President Obama has caused unease within his own Democratic party by endorsing the library and claiming that not everyone who reads books is responsible for calling Mrs Palin a fuckwit nutjob nightmare of a human being.

But Bill McKay, a leading member of the right-wing Teapot movement, said: “Sarah Palin is a hallowed place for Americans who can’t read.

I dunnow…

The pro-library people could be really insensitive and call it the Bill Hicks Memorial Waffle House.


Reality, Much?

August 1, 2010

I guess the only thing that would have enhanced this cartoon that Jillian Weiss points to at Bilerico would be if the Olive Oyl one was wearing an HRC t-shirt (or perhaps one from Nova Southeastern School of Law):


Israel Luna Tapped to Direct Remake of ‘Myra Breckinridge’; Gore Vidal Approves

June 20, 2010

Was one attempt to bring Myra Breckinridge to the screen enough?  Apparently not.

From The Advocate:

“The wizened beauty of the natural order of the film industry’s meritocracy has shone through once again,” Earl Lindner, a publicist for Paramount exclaimed in accompaniment to the studio’s announcement that Israel Luna, a former gay prostitute who has gained notoriety for his empowering low-budget epic Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives, has been tapped to direct a big-budget remake of the 1970 anti-classic Myra Breckinridge.  “Luna has proven that he, perhaps better than anyone currently in the film industry, understands what transsexualism is really all about.  This will aid him greatly in crafting the ultimate tool to creatively educate America about transsexualim.”

No casting decisions have been made, though insiders say that Jim Carrey has expressed interest in Buck Loner (played by John Huston in the 1970 version) and 1970′s Myra, Raquel Welch has been contacted about the role of Letitia Van Allen, notoriously protrayed in the original by Mae West.  Most interestingly, regarding the title role serious discussions have taken place with noted drag queen RuPaul and Anthony Tyler Quinn, who once played a transgender character in the short-lived FOX television series Ask Harriet.

Gore Vidal - author of the 1968 novel upon which this and the original (which he had no use for) theatrical versions are based - has voiced support for the possibility of a new film version of Myra.

“I feel the time has come for a new attempt to capture the essence of Myra Breckinridge in celluloid format,” Vidal said from his vacation home in Italy.  “Clearly, one of the problems with the 1970 version was that director Michael Sarne – as well as the gang of nobodies he had in his drug-infested orbit – were under the delusion that there actually is such a thing as a transsexual.  I’m almost 85 and the closest I’ve come to a vagina was my occasional close proximity to William F. Buckley’s brain in front of ABC’s news cameras back in 1968 and even I don’t believe that there’s such a thing as a homosexual, much less a transsexual.

And, it looks like the Luna-tick himself is already all hot and moist over the notion of being illegitimately legitimized even further:

“I had to wipe away tears when it became official” Luna said during an early-morning interview conducted in the men’s room at the Dallas bar J.R.’s.  “I’m just your ordinary gay guy who hates to see other gay guys cut off their dicks.  Paramount deserves a Nobel prize for giving me the opportunity to get my message out to as wide of an audience as possible.”

And apparently the big guns are going to be employed to make sure that Ticked-Off Quasi-Tranny With Dildo: The Next Generation actually happens:

Noted corporate lobbyist, former head of the Recording Industry Association of America and Human Rights Campaign (HRC) insider Hilary Rosen has decided to tak a leave from her recently-undertaken duties of media spinning for BP following the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster to help Isreal Luna pre-emptively attack the likely critics of his newest project, a remake of the 1970 transsexual-themed movie Myra Breckinridge.

“I initially decided to turn down the Myra Breckinridge project,” Rosen said in an interview this weekend, “but after Tony Hayward allowed himself to be seen in public with his yacht, I decided that BP was a lost cause.  And, I recall vividly what all of those lowlife transsexual bloggers did to those wonderful scholars Michael Bailey and Alice Dreger a few years ago – and what some of them did to Mr. Luna to try to prevent his current movie from being shown.  I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t use my skills to make sure that a fine young gay talent like that never has to suffer such an indignity again.”

“And, of course,” she added with a sparkly wink reminiscent of Sarah Palin, “the price was right.”

I did notice one item about this impending mess that seems a bit saner than the actual notion of a Myra remake:

Upon learning of the impending Luna-hemled remake of Myra, transsexual legal historian Katrina Rose, known for conclusively disproving the historical underpinning of the homosexual-centric politico-legal strategy of ‘incremental progress,’ remarked, “The ENDABlog post about a remake of Myra Brekinridge is filed under ‘satire.’  However, be honest with yourselves: Until this was pointed out to you, I bet you believed every word of it was real.”

Seriously.


Real Disaster, Fake Honesty

June 6, 2010

bpa-600x376_ddc67.jpg

Love those blogs, eh Winnie the BPooh?


Finally Revealed: The REAL Republican Healthcare Plan

April 24, 2010

A “simple healthcare plan that anyone with a few thousand chickens can use“:

LOWDEN MEDICAL PROCEDURE

TO CHICKEN CONVERTER

Matthew “The Persecution of Sarah Palin” Continetti was actually on Real Time last night defending Lowden – so it was grugdingly that I filed this under “satire.” 

For your convenience, we recommend bringing at least 20% more chickens than specified to any doctor’s appointment. For that matter, you should have at least 1500 chickens per passenger in your car in the event of an accident, so you could just use those if you’re a little short on chickens, but then be extra careful driving home from the doctor because you will have used up some of your accident chickens.

Llamas are larger than frogs – but are chickens larger than llamas?  Or frogs?


Lesson of the Day

March 29, 2010

H/T to We Are Respectable Negroes.


If Only…

January 25, 2010

From…

Rush Limbaugh?

[E]ven if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, shit-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, “What the fuck am I doing?” Why would I say that Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson’s symptoms? Why would I find it funny to play a song called “Barack the Magic Negro”? Why would I tell people not to give aid to Haiti?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

He’s turning into an Onion, perhaps?


A Guy Walks Into Congress….

January 23, 2010

True lies?  How about true jokes?

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs wearing a sombrero? I don’t know, but whatever you call it, it’s got about 1,000% more fight in it than these jackass Democrats.

And for Harry Reid’s next trick, he’ll suck a piano into his lungs – but only because Mitch McConnell told him to.


If Only

September 25, 2009

From Last Left Turn Before Hooterville:

Illegal criminals, take notice – Conservative Americans are taking back their jobs!

Yes, from the ashes of the failed Minute-Man Movement, the Gimme Back My Job, Dammit Coalition (GBMJ,DC) has risen, and it has spread like wildfire among conservatives sick and tired of illegals taking the jobs from deserving American citizens. No longer content to wait for the government to do it for them, these patriots have taken matters into their own hands. Now they’re doing more than just protesting or watching from the sidelines – they’re taking back their Constitutional, God-given right to a job. Suddenly, you see them everywhere – on the sidewalk with a leaf-blower strapped to their back, in the parking lot of your favorite restaurant with the keys to your car or inside, balancing a heavy-laden bus tray full of dirty dishes as they adroitly refill your iced tea glass on their way back to the kitchen. You may find them bent over in a lettuce field under a blistering sun with a rake in their hand, or endangering their limbs with casually-maintained but lethally sharp meat-cutting machinery for fourteen hours or more a day while earning somewhere around three dollars an hour, with no benefits, medical insurance, workman’s compensation, or even bathroom breaks.

Most of them say they’ve never been happier.

“For the first time in my life, I feel needed,” says Coalition member Chuck B. Liggett, 70, a former accountant who now works in a chicken-packing plant in Amarillo, Texas. “When the floor boss screams at me for slowing down, I feel a surge of pride because what I do actually matters. Now, I do an honest day’s work for my pay, and by the time I collapse on my filthy mattress on the floor of my stinking room at the end of my fifteen-hour shift, I know I really earned that forty dollars!”

If only the teabagging christianists of the Racist Right weren’t immune to both logic and irony….


Satire?

September 8, 2009

Yes – but be honest…

You know that plenty of Faux News viewers have uttered the exact same words and meant them.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 32 other followers