The fact that its satire is irrelevant. From Facebook:
10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrongby Will McGarvey on Sunday, August 15, 2010 at 10:12pm10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong (reposting Mitchell Sturges)
01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning [and, Kat adds: George W. Bush’s Texan-ness, John Boehner’s skin color, inter-league baseball, soccer-style placekicking and heavier-than-air flying machines].
02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal [and, Kat adds, fathers still have the right to kill their children for disobedience].
05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages [and, Kat adds: prisons] aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children [and, Kat (and, by extension, Harvey Milk) adds: no non-priest has ever raised a child who became a priest and no non-nun has ever raised a child who became a nun].
08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America. [But, Kat cautions, christianists actually do believe that there is only one religion – here or anywhere else – and anything other than christianist is just a ‘faith.’]
09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.