Breaking News Regarding the Economy

Major activity in DC today:

WASHINGTON (APE) – Today, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D – Calif.) introduced a sweeping economic bill, which includes:

1. Elimination of all welfare
2. Elimnination of all unemployment insurance
3. Elimination of all student loan programs
4. Elimination of Medicare and Medicaid
5. Elimination of Social Security
6. Elimination of the federal flood insurance program
7. A complete restructuring of the national tax structure in which federal and state taxes are paid only by those making less than $50,000 per year and the federal government will penalize any state or local governments that attempt to levy taxes of any kind on anyone making above $50,000 per year.

At a press conference shortly after the bill’s introduction, President Obama gave it his full endorsement.

Immediately thereafter, House Speaker John Boehner (R – Ohio), called the House into emergency session, bringing the measure straight to the floor for a vote, in which the measure was soundly defeated – before anyone in the Republican majority bothered to read it.

A short time ago, Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R – Va.) issued a press release in which he stated, “DOH!”